And the funny just keeps on rolling!!

Sorry for all the spam lately, guys. I'm using jokes and funny pictures in an attempt to stave off the return of the low swing on my bi-polar pendulum. I can feel the depression coming, kind of the same way you can 'smell' a storm rolling in, and I'm hoping and praying to all the God's I know that I can hold it back until I can at least start up the other side of the hill.

And, in so doing, I present you with...

( Can people really be this stupid? )

This song that just started playing on my radio just describes me so perfectly, Pink's Don't Let Me Get Me. OMG!!! How have I never heard this song before?

( Lyrics )

I know...you don't have to say it....I need a life...

I just thought of something and it was too late to stop the update on the last entry.

Does anyone out there know how I would go about finding a good local therapist? Someone cheap, preferably, as I'm not entirely sure my insurance covers therapy.

I was going to therapy when I was younger. My parents put me in because I was having problems after their divorce, issues with things that were happening around me, general depression tendacies, but I refused to speak to the doctor because I was so angry at my mom and dad. I'd just sit in his office, reading, for an hour three times a week, while my parents paid this guy $150/hour to watch me.

But now, I think I need to talk to someone. I'm scaring myself with some of the things that go through my head. I'm angry all the time, mixed in with being depressed and feeling alone, even when I'm surrounded by people. I hate being alone. And it's getting to the point where I just don't want to wake up some days because I just feel so horrible all the time. I'm seriously afraid to go to sleep some nights because a part of me doesn't want to wake up the next day.

I don't know if I ever told any of you guys this before, but I've tried to kill myself before. I was just too stupid/scared to succeed. I don't say any of this to get sympathy or anything, just to emphasize my need for someone that can help me work this out.

I can't even point out a reason for the way I feel. My life should be good. I have a good job, great friends, my mom's the greatest ever. I literally want for nothing, other than the small material things that I'd love to have and can't afford at this time, but that's not what I mean. I just don't know why I sometimes have this feeling like I just can't stand to keep going. And how much easier it would be if I didn't have to.

Grrr, why can't humans be like the fictional vulcans from Star Trek? What use are these emotions we're supposedly "blessed" with when they can be turned around and used as the most destructive weapons on our own selves?

I guess that's all or now. I didn't mean to throw all this on you guys, I just...I don't know.