PSA, cops, shopping, and funny

First of all, I have to get this off my chest:

To all gay men in Mobile, AL. Yes, I will go out with you. If there's one thing I've learned by looking around at my competition, it's that I can't afford to be picky. I'll date nearly anyone that will ask me. What I do request, though, is that when I tell you I don't get off work until 9:30pm and you say "Oh, that's fine, we can go for coffee or something.", please let me know, in advance, if the "or something" you have in mind involves me following you to your house for beer and sex.

I'm a guy of the new millenium, I have no problem putting out on the first date. But I do require that there be an actual DATE. If you want a booty call, there are plenty of numbers listed on the bathroom wall in Wal-Mart.

Sincerely,

CJ

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So, I'm headed to work this afternoon. Late, of course. When have I ever been on time for anything? I look in the rearview mirror and see police lights flashing behind me. The fact that I never heard the siren means I should turn my radio down, huh? I pull over, realizing that I've been driving somewhere around 90mph in a 45mph zone, and start digging through my purse (yes, I carry a purse, shut up) for my wallet and ... it's not there. I don't panick. Sometimes I leave it in the glove box. Nope, not there either. Then I remember. I was unpacking and doing laundry before leaving the house. My wallet is on my computer desk. Unfortunately, my insurance information is in said wallet since I'd just gotten the new ones in the mail.

I'm already panicing as the cop walks up to my car door. By the way, let's segue for a moment. Who on earth designs these police uniforms? Why must all the cops look like they could be supermodels if they were a few inches taller and had less muscle? Makes me wanna hold out my wrists and say, "Yes daddy, I've been bad. Won't you punish me, please?"

Luckily, he was in a good mood and just ran my license number (thankfully, I'd memorized it) to see if I had any outstanding warrants. And boy did I heave a huge sigh of relief when that check came back clean. With all the alcohol I drank in Atlanta, you just never know. Since it came back as a negative on the warrant check and my license was still valid, he let me off with a warning. I drove away just a bit depressed. Half of me wished he'd cuffed me. Then at least I'd have a nice, naughty memory of my experience.

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And that, in a twisted way, leads to my Shopping as Therapy excursion later that same night. I got off work, went on the aforementioned "date" with the guy from the gas station (someone slap me now, please?), left the "date" very soon after the guy pulled out a beer and dropped his pants, went home, grabbed my wallet, and hit the Wal-Mart. Throwing away just over $100 on DVDs should be prescribed by every therapist in the nation. I immediately felt a thousand percent better. I got Futurama season 1, Boondocks season 1, Numb3rs season 1, and Final Destination 3. I also got some Twizzlers, but that's beside the point. Seriously, everyone should try this.

New slogan - - - Shopping!!! It's cheaper than therapy.

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And now the funny.

This was an email from a friend.

( Men are... )

Night all, I'm going to play Tomb Raider: Legends.

This just in....

I need an icon that screams out, "I'm a slut". (not literally screaming that, of course. Unless you want to)

Preferably with Xander on it.

Alas, I have no screencaps.

Any kind souls out there in need of eternal devotion?