luvxander

There's not really much going on for me lately, hence the lack of posts. Feel free to skip, as I'm sure most of this doesn't make much sense.

As reported in an earlier post, I went to my doctor and got new meds. One for weight loss, the other for my depression. The one for weight loss has perked up my energy a bit, enough for it to be noticeable, anyway. I'm not sure if the depression med is working yet or not, but have been told that it's much too early to give up hope on it.

Since taking the anti-depressant, I don't feel completely bummed out all the time anymore. I can feel that lurking around the fringes of my mind, but if I don't think on it and turn my attention to other things, it tends to leave me alone. Mostly, I'm just numb. I don't really feel anything.

My first bit of encouraging news? Last night, I laughed. And for the first time in what seems like forever, it wasn't forced to make other people see me as "normal". I actually found something funny. I still break down in tears for no apparent reason, but I like funny. You can't believe (or I hope not) how amazing it was.

Today, I'm off. I actually got to sleep in. This is a good thing.

There are so many things I want to do. Thanks to

ladycat777, I want to go to the beach now. I haven't been in something like three years, which is ridiculous, really, considering that it's only 15 miles from my house.

But I really need to clean my house. Which I so don't want to do. I've spent the past couple of weeks, when not working or going to the movies with

byakuganchick and Steph, curled up in a ball on my bed, alternating between fits of crying and sleeping and reading. And my bedroom is really starting to show the neglect. Much worse than usual.

I really don't know if there was a point to this post today. I think I just needed to talk and I don't have anyone to talk to, so I just babble on this thing.

I still haven't worked out whether I'll be able to go back to school or not. I can't apply for financial aide until I've been accepted at the university, which I can't do until I can afford the application and admissions fees, which I can't do until I get caught up on my car payment.