I have, for many obvious reasons as well as many not-so-obvious, decided to stay out of that whole mess.
1) Although gay, as a male, I feel that I shouldn't be weighing in. and 2) Unlike other's, I like burying the things that have happened to me deep in the untouchable recesses of my brain where they will never see the light of day.
I have been spectacularly wrong on the internet before, so I do have a percentage of sympathy for the overwhelming slap in the fact that can come afterward? but so, so many people have been badly hurt by this entire avalanche of bullshit that it's close to impossible not to perceive any defense of the bullshit as a personal betrayal.
Was she verbally called out? I admit to watching her part of it with fingers over my eyes, because I adore her and have known her for years. The idea that maybe that trust was misplaced is killing me.
I hope someone did and that I'm worrying for nothing.
I have been gratefully relieved that of the few people I was nervous about, the rest all were incredibly classy about either misunderstanding or not doing enough background research.
Oh, god. I'm so - I don't even know what to say. Because I don't want her to be hurt anymore than I want to be hurt. I know what a good person she is, I know how loving and wonderful she is. That's why I didn't understand when I saw her comment because that isn't a question. It can't ever be.
I've been terrified to email her. And I hate to use that stupid overblown word, but it's true: I've been terrified. I wanted to, I want to talk to her because she's Calla and I've known her for god, probably eight years and I adore her just as much as I have since I first met her. But I don't even know how to start. I don't want what I'm thinking and assuming to be right, and I'm not sure I want to know what she's saying with Harmony's insanely privileged view of things in the way because. Because she's Calla. And I've been to your house, and I've slept in a bed with her at Writercon, and I've hugged her and trusted her and I don't want that to be gone.
I can't imagine it being gone.
Would it be okay if I emailed her? You - I'm not even sure how, without the lj moniker. Because I hate this. I hate that she's hurt and I hate that I'm scared and I want it to be okay again. It probably wouldn't be tomorrow, if it is okay, because I don't have the time this evening to give this topic, and her, the respect it deserves.
But - I hate this. I know what an amazing person she is. I wanna keep that.
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2010-05-12 07:02 pm (UTC)I don't know any more than that.
no subject
Date: 2010-05-12 07:08 pm (UTC)I have, for many obvious reasons as well as many not-so-obvious, decided to stay out of that whole mess.
1) Although gay, as a male, I feel that I shouldn't be weighing in.
and
2) Unlike other's, I like burying the things that have happened to me deep in the untouchable recesses of my brain where they will never see the light of day.
no subject
Date: 2010-05-12 07:11 pm (UTC)I have been spectacularly wrong on the internet before, so I do have a percentage of sympathy for the overwhelming slap in the fact that can come afterward? but so, so many people have been badly hurt by this entire avalanche of bullshit that it's close to impossible not to perceive any defense of the bullshit as a personal betrayal.
no subject
Date: 2010-05-12 07:14 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-05-12 07:17 pm (UTC)ugh, Ceej, this whole week has been complete shit.
no subject
Date: 2010-05-12 07:20 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-05-12 07:21 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-05-12 07:21 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-05-12 07:22 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-05-12 07:28 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-05-12 07:29 pm (UTC)so yeah, everything's delightful.
no subject
Date: 2010-05-12 07:30 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-05-12 07:13 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-05-12 07:14 pm (UTC)and yes, I only knew her casually but it still has been painful.
no subject
Date: 2010-05-12 07:33 pm (UTC)I have been gratefully relieved that of the few people I was nervous about, the rest all were incredibly classy about either misunderstanding or not doing enough background research.
But none of them were as close to me as essene :(
no subject
Date: 2010-05-12 07:34 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-05-12 08:47 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-05-12 09:04 pm (UTC)I've been terrified to email her. And I hate to use that stupid overblown word, but it's true: I've been terrified. I wanted to, I want to talk to her because she's Calla and I've known her for god, probably eight years and I adore her just as much as I have since I first met her. But I don't even know how to start. I don't want what I'm thinking and assuming to be right, and I'm not sure I want to know what she's saying with Harmony's insanely privileged view of things in the way because. Because she's Calla. And I've been to your house, and I've slept in a bed with her at Writercon, and I've hugged her and trusted her and I don't want that to be gone.
I can't imagine it being gone.
Would it be okay if I emailed her? You - I'm not even sure how, without the lj moniker. Because I hate this. I hate that she's hurt and I hate that I'm scared and I want it to be okay again. It probably wouldn't be tomorrow, if it is okay, because I don't have the time this evening to give this topic, and her, the respect it deserves.
But - I hate this. I know what an amazing person she is. I wanna keep that.
no subject
Date: 2010-05-12 07:21 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-05-12 07:34 pm (UTC)