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luvxanderIs it bad when you go to gak a meme called 10 Things That Make Me Happy, and you can't think of anything to write down?
I've come to the conclusion that my level of depression is based solely on how tired I am. It's now a little after 9:30pm and I've been exhaused since around 2:00. My level of depression has gone downhill ever since.
I am so tired of all the voices in my head (not the crazy insane voices, the other ones) telling me how no one really likes me, that I'll always be a humongous blimp and should just give up on losing weight, so many other things from I don't know how to save money to telling me that no one would really notice if I wan't around anymore. I've considered therapy, but a) I can't afford it, b) I wouldn't even begin to know how to go about finding a good therapist. I just want to curl up in a ball and cry myself to sleep and maybe never get up, but I'm forcing myself to pretend to be cheerful and pretend that I even give a crap whether I wake up in the morning.
I've come to the conclusion that my level of depression is based solely on how tired I am. It's now a little after 9:30pm and I've been exhaused since around 2:00. My level of depression has gone downhill ever since.
I am so tired of all the voices in my head (not the crazy insane voices, the other ones) telling me how no one really likes me, that I'll always be a humongous blimp and should just give up on losing weight, so many other things from I don't know how to save money to telling me that no one would really notice if I wan't around anymore. I've considered therapy, but a) I can't afford it, b) I wouldn't even begin to know how to go about finding a good therapist. I just want to curl up in a ball and cry myself to sleep and maybe never get up, but I'm forcing myself to pretend to be cheerful and pretend that I even give a crap whether I wake up in the morning.
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Date: 2006-03-03 08:18 pm (UTC)I realize that you've already said you're over the 'poor me' bit, but I'll go ahead and post my two cents.
Point 1:
I like you. You are a wonderfully spiffy person and you're a ton of fun to be around. Seriously. You always make me and Steph laugh-and in the good "Heeheehee, Carl is so funny and sarcastic and let's hang around with him to see what else he says." type way, too.
Point 2:
Losing weight, don't give up on it. We love you anyway, but if it will make YOU feel better about yourself, than it's defintely worth doing. WE already see how special you are, but you need to realize it too.
And I've rather stupidly made a bet with Mom that I can lose fifty pounds before she does, so I'll be your weight loss cheerleader if you'll be mine. (There's a hundred dollars involved in this bet, I'd REALLY like to win it.)
Point 3:
Any time you want to talk, just call me. I have mastered the art of leaving my cell phone on at all times, so you can't use that excuse. And I keep it on my nightstand, so even if you need to talk in the middle of the night, I'll hear it. (I just won't be able to speak coherently for the first couple of minutes, but I'll get over that part.)
See you at work tomorrow! Movies! Squee!