*stomach growls*

[luvxander]

I have 10 more minutes until my pizza is free, if it has not arrived. Right now, there's a war going on inside me between my desire to have my pizza, and my desire not to pay for it.

ION: By all the spam today, you can probably tell that I'm off and bored. And no one's online.

IOON: I have SPN up to current, Smallville up to current, Charmed, 4400 season 2, or cartoon network - I'm having a hard time trying to decide on what to watch.

P.S. I'm very very very bored.

Comments

[betagoddess.livejournal.com]

A little humour for you to ease the boredom. =>}

Talking dog

A guy is driving around Tennessee and he sees a sign in front of a house: "Talking Dog For Sale."

He rings the bell and the owner tells him the dog is in the backyard. The guy goes into the backyard and sees a Labrador retriever sitting there.

"You talk?" he asks.

"Yep," the Lab replies.

"So, what's your story?"

The Lab looks up and says, "Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA about my gift, and in no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one
figured a dog would be eavesdropping. I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running."

"But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger so I decided to settle down. I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security wandering near suspicious characters and listening in."

"I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of medals. I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired."

The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.

"Ten dollars," the guy says.

"Ten dollars? This dog is amazing. Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?"

"Because he's a bald-face liar. He never did any of that shit."

[luvxander.livejournal.com]

LMAO!! Thanks muchly

[betagoddess.livejournal.com]

You're welcome. =>}

Did you get the free pizza?

Here's another:

A truely honorable man helps a young elephant, Read on,


In 1986, Mkele Mbembe was on holiday in Kenya after graduating from
Northwestern University.

On a hike through the bush, he came across a young bull elephant
standing with one leg raised in the air.

The elephant seemed distressed, so Mbembe approached it very carefully.

He got down on one knee and inspected the elephant's foot, and found
a large piece of wood deeply embedded in it.

As carefully and as gently as he could, Mbembe worked the wood out
with his hunting knife, after which the elephant gingerly put down its
foot.

The elephant turned to face the man, and with a rather curious
look on its face, stared at him for several tense moments.

Mbembe stood frozen, thinking of nothing else but being trampled.
Eventually the elephant trumpeted loudly, turned, and walked away.
Mbembe never forgot that elephant or the events of that day.

Twenty years later, Mbembe was walking through the Chicago Zoo
with his teenaged son.

As they approached the elephant enclosure, one of the creatures
turned and walked over to near where Mbembe and his son Tapu
were standing.

The large bull elephant stared at Mbembe, lifted its front foot
off the ground, then put it down. The elephant did that several times
then trumpeted loudly, all the while staring at the man.

Remembering the encounter in 1986, Mbembe couldn't help wondering
if this was the same elephant.

Mbembe summoned up his courage, climbed over the railing and
made his way into the enclosure.

He walked right up to the elephant and stared back in wonder.

The elephant trumpeted again, wrapped its trunk around one of
Mbembe's legs and slammed him against the railing, killing him
instantly.

Probably wasn't the same elephant.....

[luvxander.livejournal.com]

*giggles insanely*

and no, I didn't get the pizza free, but it is delicious, however.

[betagoddess.livejournal.com]

Glad you liked that one. It gave me a good laugh for sure. =>}

Yeah, I love pizza, too and you're giving me a craving. *sigh*

Can you stand one more? *g*

Sexy Frog:

A lonely young blonde, goes to her local pet store in search of an exotic pet. She notices a box full of live frogs with sign that reads:
"Sex Frogs! Only $20 each! Comes with complete instructions."

The excited blonde excitedly whispers softly to the clerk, "I'll take one."

As the clerk packages the frog, he tells her, "Now, just read and follow the instructions."

As soon as she gets home to her apartment, the blonde opens the instructions, reads them very carefully and follows each step exactly.

1. Take a warm shower.
2. Splash on some nice perfume.
3. Slip into a very sexy nightie.
4. Crawl into bed and place the frog down beside you. Allow the frog to do what he has been trained to do.

To her surprise nothing happens! She's very disappointed and quite upset. She re-reads the instructions and notices at the bottom of the paper it says, "If you have any problems, please call the pet store." So, the blonde calls the pet store. The man says, "I'll be right over."

Within minutes, the pet store clerk rings her doorbell. The blonde welcomes him in and says, "See, I've done everything according to the instructions and the damn frog just sits there."

The clerk, looking very concerned, picks up the frog, stares directly into its eyes and sternly says: "Listen to me! I'm only going to show you how to do this one more time!"