Survey now in my Bio...

( Survey thingie )

Please feel free to take this survey yourself. I'm not sure how long they'll keep it up, though.

Why yes, I am spamming, why aren't you?

Watching my recorded American Idol at the moment.

I'll go out on a limb right now and say, I don't like Bucky. Actually, saying I don't like him, is like saying I'm fond of Xander. It goes so far beyond what words can convey, that I've gone to trying and figure it out in Klingon.

My actual thought tonight, before he even finished his song, was "If Mr. White Trash 2006 wins this competition, I may rethink my newly found addiction to this show."

And who else wants to know if Ace finally nailed Will to the floor since David isn't there anymore?


ETA: Can anyone tell me, what is the web ettiquette on contacting someone on IM that you haven't spoken to in IMs before? I've had this person on my yahoo list for quite some time, but have never gotten around to chatting with her. I remember the first time I contacted entrenous88 on AIM, she thought I was a stalker. That could have been because the first thing I ever said to her was, "I LOVE YOU!!!", but I'm not sure. I is very confuse-ed about this.

winterlive, I luff you.

I should so be asleep right now

Okay, so I started watching Veronica Mars season 1 tonight, at the insistance of quite a few people. I'm on the second episode and they keep making references to her 'reputation', which I know, thanks to a flashback, is based on the fact that she was slipped a roofie and raped at a party a while back.

What I'm wanting to ask is, do they ever reveal who the guy was that did it? I have a suspect, but I'm probably biased because I can't stand the jerk. Now, I'm not asking for anyone to tell me who did it. I've already been spoiled on who killed Lilly Kane, Veronica's best friend, thanks to the official site, Veronica Mars.

Can someone just, please, tell me that they do figure it out, and that they reveal it, and that the guy, at the very least, gets a little Weevil up in him?

Thanks.

I was debating on whether to post this, but what the hell

I got a call yesterday from my Aunt Jean back up in my hometown. Seems that my Dad's brother, LeDonn died on Tuesday. Now, his death is by no means a shocker to anyone, he'd long ago drank away any hope of ever having an even slightly healthy liver and was riddled with about 4 different kinds of cancer. She was calling to asl me to be a Pall Bearer (is that the correct spelling?) at his funeral, which will be held today.

The problem here, and I'm still not sure if this makes me any less human or just a cold bitch, is that I find myself unable to care. I agreed to be one of the Pall Bearers out of familial obligation and the fact that his sons did the same at my father's funeral, but the only memories I have of my Uncle are of him being a mean, drunken, abusive son of a bitch (quite literally, my grandmother was a bitchmonster from the planet of hell who hated me from the moment of my birth and took pleasure in telling me this).

I want to care. I mean, just on the basic human being level, I should care that he died, and from all appearances, died in great pain. But the tears I find myself crying, the thing that kept me awake last night, wasn't grief, it was guilt. It hurts something in me to know that there are people out there that can die in massive amounts of pain, begging to die even, and I can't bring myself to care about them.

I can remember times when I've pulled my car over to the side of the road and cried until my throat was raw and my entire body hurt because I saw a dead animal in the street. Why can't I bring myself to care that a human being, someone I grew up know and am related to, just lay in a hospital bed for 3 days, begging the doctors to let him die? Maybe they were right not to call and tell me any of this until after he'd passed. Hell, I haven't even stopped to wonder why they didn't call. They called my brother.

Does this make me a monster? If I saw this on one of the tv shows I watched? And there was this person sitting there, not really caring about the life and death of others? I'd call him a monster.

And even with all this going through my head, I care more about the amount of money I had to take out of my Writercon savings to buy a suit to wear to the funeral than the fact that was someone so important to my Daddy is dead.

I, apparently, have more issues than I thought. I thought my manic depression was my biggest downfall. But it seems that takes a distant second to the fact that I don't seem to have a soul.

I am so pissed off and so tired of the drama.

( I don't even know if I have the words to express the amount of rage I feel right now. )

I'm sorry that I keep dumping all of this on you guys. I put it behind a cut in case you want to skip it.